Young Carers
Young carers are children who grow up in households where a parent is ill, or a sibling lives with a disability or chronic condition. In other words, they are part of a family system in which one member requires ongoing attention and care.
This dynamic—while no one’s fault—shapes a very particular kind of home environment for everyone involved, including the children. In recent years, more research has begun to focus on this previously overlooked group, highlighting the unique emotional and developmental challenges they face.
The home environment plays a crucial role in a child’s development. A stable and secure home provides the foundation for a child to feel safe, relaxed, and emotionally legitimate. In contrast, an unstable or unpredictable home can generate chronic stress, causing the child to remain in a heightened state of alertness—anticipating sudden changes and feeling exposed to uncertainty.
Our early home environment profoundly shapes how our nervous system is wired, how we learn to self-soothe, and how we manage stress and anxiety later in life. This is why therapy or analysis so often returns to childhood: to understand the emotional atmosphere we first grew in, and to trace the roots of our adult coping strategies.
Emotional Landscape of Young Carers
Avoiding being a burden
Young carers often try not to be a burden. Aware that someone in the family needs care and attention, they learn to shrink their own needs and avoid taking up space.
Empathetic and adaptable
They tend to be highly empathetic, skilled at reading emotional cues, and quick to adapt themselves to the needs and moods of others.
Maturing early
Many young carers grow up quickly. They learn to take care of themselves, becoming independent and responsible at a young age.
Silent grief
They may quietly grieve the loss of a “normal” family life—a household where everyone is healthy and well.
Inner strength
Despite the challenges, their empathy, adaptability, and self-reliance often lead them to become capable, resilient adults, successful in their personal and professional lives – although not always!
The Young Carer’s Persona
The family environment often requires the young carer to adopt a persona—a socially acceptable role shaped in response to the emotional dynamics of the household. This persona is highly adaptive, developed as a way to cope with and stabilize the family system.
Over time, the child comes to embody a role marked by:
- Needlessness and self-sacrifice
- Emotional adaptability
- Premature maturity and independence
- Strength and capability
These traits are often praised and reinforced by adults, teachers, and peers—further solidifying the persona. As a result, it can become increasingly difficult for the individual to later disidentify from this role, even when it no longer serves them.
While this persona may appear admirable—even heroic—it often conceals the shadow: unspoken sorrow, unmet needs, and the quiet burden of emotional isolation.
The Young Carer’s Shadow
Every light casts a shadow—and the virtuous persona of the young carer is no exception. While they may appear selfless, strong, and mature on the surface, these qualities often come at the cost of their own emotional needs.
Young carers often struggle to recognize or express their needs, having internalized the belief that needing support makes them a burden. This can lead to difficulties with self-prioritization, setting boundaries, and feeling compelled to always seem “okay.” Over time, they may carry a heavy emotional load—one that is rarely acknowledged and difficult to release.
The shadow aspects of the young carer often include:
- Unconscious neediness
- Repressed anger and resentment
- Inability to depend on others
- Rejection of vulnerability
These shadow elements, if left unexamined, may persist into adulthood, shaping how they relate to others—and to themselves.
How Can We Help Young Carers?
The first step is for parents or caregivers to recognize the child’s role and help them become aware of it. Putting words to their unspoken feelings—especially those tied to guilt, responsibility, or invisibility—can be incredibly validating.
Spending uninterrupted, focused time with these children, where they are the center of attention, can offer a powerful counterbalance to their caregiving role. In these moments, they get to simply be a child—seen, supported, and cared for—without having to be strong or selfless.
Group activities and outings designed specifically for young carers can provide a needed break from the home environment. These experiences offer space for fun, friendship, and mutual connection—relationships where they don’t need to be the one adapting or holding it all together.
Additionally, therapeutic approaches such as play therapy, movement, or sandplay can help young carers process their emotions in a safe and age-appropriate way.